Dad Nauseum: Exile in Spideyville

New Spiderman Villains! A Sneak Preview
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An email sent in error. A confidential file. Inside, a short cryptic message. "Tobey: The S-III villains list. Your eyes only. – Sam."

A phone call to an off-off-off-off-Broadway producer, and then:

The American Society of Dermatological Practitioners proudly presents

A Playtex Theater Company production of

The All-New Spiderman III Villain Review (with back-story notes)

CatPigMan

He was just another mild-mannered accountant out walking his pet mountain lion and Vietnamese potbellied pig when Mr. Porkers emptied his bladder onto the stray-voltage-electrified subway grate the three of them happened to be standing on. Now they've fused into one horrific, and horrifically smelly, super villain.

The Yellow Baron

Like the Red Baron, only yellow.

Doc Proc

Single-handedly responsible for the film's NC-17 rating. Make that double-handedly.

Visually Impaired Eagle-Eye

He sees all, except for the blind spots in front of his thumbs.

Birder

"Look! Is that an Ivory-billed woodpecker?" Don't turn around, Spiderman! It's a trick!!!

Newborn.

So ugly, the midwife slapped his mother – and he's been mean ever since. Crime sprees, tearing up the city and such.

Facelift

If he's learned one thing in his strange life, it's this: Never try to blow dry your hair while reenacting scenes (a la The Rocky Horror Picture Show) from the move Brazil.

The Vagina Monologist

Hey, how'd he get in there? He's got a lot to say, most of it negative and critical. Featuring the voice of Eric Bogosian.